Last week I had this crazy revelation … my time at RELEVANT Magazine (a really pivotal and emotional rollercoaster but significant season in my life) was five years ago.


That’s so crazy to think. That for such a brief time in my life, I picked up and moved across the country for what I called my “dream job” to be thrown in a crazy whirlwind of a job and then ripped away from it a year later.

All that and I still wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because it’s a part of who I am. A part of my story. 

But then I found this journal entry I wrote right before that season ever started. Purging was the final act of obedience I needed to do to really trust God with this next right step. 

Just wow. Reflecting on this is so good. 

PLEASE NOTE: I couldn’t find the exact recording of Derek Webb’s song that I reference in the post. But I did find “Wedding Dress” which is soooo good in its own right. So I included that instead.

*  *  *

Saturday, 10 January 2009

i’m starting to purge everything.

i want to throw out everything of me that represents the past
represents who i was years ago
things that i’ve held on to

i want to let all that go

literally start fresh

i want to throw out everything that doesn’t satisfy me to the full
to throw out what represents who i was years ago
things i’ve held on to for no reason

i want to shred things that don’t matter anymore

with all the things changing, with the letting go to move forward
i feel like Lot
i feel like the Lord has told me to leave everything behind and not look back
to go to a new land
leave what is good for something that is even better

there’s a song that derek webb sang that is on my RELEVANT playlist
he had sung it acoustic and said words like
“sell your stock, sell your SUV
and i remember thinking in the past - “there’s no way i could do that!
that’s all i have!”
and here i am, standing a year later with a whole new paradigm
thinking about what i would take with me
not much
last spring when i thought about moving i was trying to strategize how to transport my entire apartment down to florida
now all i need are just a few belongings

i started fresh five years ago, i can start fresh again

Using Format