Why I took a 5TT break

Hi friends. 

I kind of took a hiatus with the 5TT posts there. I did write some … or start to. But it kind of just got emotionally heavy and I couldn’t finish. I should probably still share. Because in this world of Social Media/Image Management - it’s easy to filter what you want the world to see you as and not necessarily when things are tough. 

For me, I usually try to wear my heart on my sleeve, but when it’s my friends that are hurting or going through a tough time I just feel for them. I grieve with them. And that’s why I took a breather. 

There were still some things that happened, but in light of the bigger picture they didn’t seem to matter as much.

A recap of what would have been in my posts:

  • My excitement that football is back and the sadness I have that I don’t have cable
  • An equal amount of excitement that fall television is back as well, including the sneak peek of The Mindy Project’s season 2 episode which also features James Franco
  • Which would have segued into the Franco Roast which was high-larious (nothing like watching those guys burn each other over and over)
  • The fact that the 2 episodes that I worked on as a Production Designer are finally being edited. Hopefully one day we’ll be able to see it!
  • There is a possibility that I may go on a trip to Uganda in December - things are still in the works but I’ll fill you in later.

And well here’s what I wrote two weeks ago that I left on the docket. And now I share with you because their story is still beautiful and I know that the Lord is still with them through all of this.  

REJOICING & GRIEVING WITH FRIENDS - Some dear, dear friends of mine experienced quite the emotional roller coaster ride within these last couple weeks. 

So unexpectedly, they went into early labor and gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. I didn’t get a chance to meet him but I hear that he is beautiful and precious and perfect in so many ways. 

I rejoice with them because baby Jonathan Alexander was a blessing. And I grieve because he was swept away so quickly.

But I absolutely love what a friend had said about baby Jonathan: 

“Never had I felt such overwhelming joylike that holding a baby. {Spencer has younger brothers that he’s been able to hold at birth.} Never. I looked down (I apologize for being blunt here) at his tiny body, double cleft pallet, thinking about his stomach and his lifelessness… and you guys I swear to you when I say this; he was the most perfect baby I had ever seen. He was perfection. And I couldn’t get that out of my head, because that just doesn’t make any logical sense. I couldn’t get it out my head. I looked at him and all his physical imperfections, but he was the image of perfection to me. That’s when it hit me; that is how Jesus sees us. We are spiritually lifeless, double cleft palleted, stillborns and yet through Christ we are redeemed and perfect. It was such a gift to see his physical flaws but to only register the purest and most perfect love looking at him. It was amazing guys. Your son was so beautiful.”

Read the whole birth story HERE.

I visited them recently and didn’t know what else to do besides just pray and listen and love them. And cry. I did a lot of crying. But when there’s heartache, you share in that. And that’s what life has been like lately.

Still moving. But when it stops, sometimes it gets heavy.

And sometimes you have to let that feeling flesh out and cry.

It’s OK. Because no matter what - God is still good.

That’s what I’m holding on to here.

Using Format