So in recent news, the great-grandfather of blogging (Xanga) called quits (or major overhaul) so I had to go and copy/paste all my old entries in a Word Doc. 

And in doing so, I found some incredible old posts that I wrote. So I’ve decided to share some of them. Because they’re amazing and quite possibly some of my best writing. 

So here’s one from 2010 … quite possibly one of my roughest years where when life absolutely sucked, God still showed me that He loved me. And that’s He’s still incredibly merciful in this cracked out world. 

Not many people can say they get revelations out of Judd Apatow movies, but maybe I did once or twice. Here’s how the movie “Knocked Up” helped illustrate Crazy Love for me.

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Wednesday, 13 January 2010

more Crazy Love readings. one i’m realizing that God loves me. He loves me. LOVES me.

and i’m bored? what’s wrong with me?

it reminded me of a scene in “knocked up” where seth rogen and paul rudd got to the hotel and they’re high on shrooms. paul rudd’s character drags all the chairs into one room and kind of goes in a trippy talk about the different sizes and shapes of the chairs. in their conversation, their highly lit conversation, they talk about if their respective women would take them back. and paul’s response is basically what i’m feeling.

God loves me. He wants to be with me all the time. and i’d rather “play fantasy football”?? what’s my problem. oh God. please help me accept Your love. to want You. to desire You more than life. more than security. more than having a busy life and purpose. i’m for You.

i’m reading another chapter now and i’m already convicted within the first few paragraphs. my whole heart needs repositioning. i need full surrender to God. literally like my life needs to be His. the job, the life, the side streams of income, the body image, the physical body, the future husband, the small group, my car, my money. all of it is His. all of it!! 

God take it and do what You will. seriously.

5 Things Thursday

Hello friends. How’s your week going? 

Mine has been full but good. Sorry I didn’t write anything earlier in the week. It’s OK though. Whatev. This is what’s going on with me right now:

1  CUTTING DOWN ON THE COFFEE (JUST A BIT) - This past weekend I unintentionally missed my afternoon coffees on both Saturday and Sunday, which consequentially led to the most horrifyingly painful headaches I’ve had in a while.

I’m being overdramatic. But still. I love coffee and sometimes it’s a little crazy how addicted I can be. But I’m going to try to stick this out and see what cutting back on my caffeine can do.

Granted, there’s been more naps. But that’s a give and take, right? 

I should probably drink more water and start running again.

2  THE RETURN OF TV - The best part of fall television so far has been the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother. Because after 8 long seasons of not ever meeting the mother, we finally do! 

And I’m glad they’re weaving her in and throughout the season (because all of Season 9 will be the weekend that he meets her) with some flash forwards and flash backs. It just makes my heart happy to know that Ted Mosby can finally be happy.

Is that strange? To be so wrapped up in a television show like that? Maybe so. I don’t care though.

Other notable mentions: Nashville, Parenthood, Glee (specifically episode 3 that is dedicated to Cory Monteith), New Girl + Mindy Project (I feel like those two go together) … but mostly Parenthood because that show is bomb.

3  OCTOBER EQUALS PUMPKIN EVERYTHING - I don’t know about you but I’m a stickler to the rules of autumn and how it’s allocated for the months of October and November. Which means that I only make my famous (actually it’s Robin’s Famous) Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies two months out of the year.

I still need to go buy the ingredients. But it sounds so yummy!

Not to mention the Pumpkin Pie Tartlettes for Thanksgiving.  Those are the best.  Ooooohh, I also want pumpkin pancakes with apple cinnamon toppings but only like one because those are very rich. 

Oh autumn, I love you and your foods and sweater weather. Please tell SoCal to get the memo about the weather though. I’m still wearing shorts here. 

4  BARNA FRAMES - Look what my friend Roxy has been up to! Check, check it : Barna Frames.

Who wants to the go to the event in January? It’s in LA and it’s FREE. 

(PS - how hot is the design on this? My friend Amy Duty did it … she’s pretty much the best. I may be a little bias, but my coworkers from RELEVANT are pretty rad).

5  THINGS ARE WINDING DOWN AGAINWHICH MEANS I’M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT IS NEXT - My time as a nanny is coming to a close. And my stint as a web/SEO guru has also run it’s course.

Other part-time projects that have proven to not be my absolute priority has been put on the back burner (I’m talking about the paper biz and the trip to Uganda). I’m not completely saying no to these things, but it’s on the back burner for sure.

So what’s next? I’m not too entirely sure. But I’m hoping it’s something photography related. Because, you know, that’s what I do. I’m praying for some direction. 

I’ll keep you posted!

Why I took a 5TT break

Hi friends. 

I kind of took a hiatus with the 5TT posts there. I did write some … or start to. But it kind of just got emotionally heavy and I couldn’t finish. I should probably still share. Because in this world of Social Media/Image Management - it’s easy to filter what you want the world to see you as and not necessarily when things are tough. 

For me, I usually try to wear my heart on my sleeve, but when it’s my friends that are hurting or going through a tough time I just feel for them. I grieve with them. And that’s why I took a breather. 

There were still some things that happened, but in light of the bigger picture they didn’t seem to matter as much.

A recap of what would have been in my posts:

  • My excitement that football is back and the sadness I have that I don’t have cable
  • An equal amount of excitement that fall television is back as well, including the sneak peek of The Mindy Project’s season 2 episode which also features James Franco
  • Which would have segued into the Franco Roast which was high-larious (nothing like watching those guys burn each other over and over)
  • The fact that the 2 episodes that I worked on as a Production Designer are finally being edited. Hopefully one day we’ll be able to see it!
  • There is a possibility that I may go on a trip to Uganda in December - things are still in the works but I’ll fill you in later.

And well here’s what I wrote two weeks ago that I left on the docket. And now I share with you because their story is still beautiful and I know that the Lord is still with them through all of this.  

REJOICING & GRIEVING WITH FRIENDS - Some dear, dear friends of mine experienced quite the emotional roller coaster ride within these last couple weeks. 

So unexpectedly, they went into early labor and gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. I didn’t get a chance to meet him but I hear that he is beautiful and precious and perfect in so many ways. 

I rejoice with them because baby Jonathan Alexander was a blessing. And I grieve because he was swept away so quickly.

But I absolutely love what a friend had said about baby Jonathan: 

“Never had I felt such overwhelming joylike that holding a baby. {Spencer has younger brothers that he’s been able to hold at birth.} Never. I looked down (I apologize for being blunt here) at his tiny body, double cleft pallet, thinking about his stomach and his lifelessness… and you guys I swear to you when I say this; he was the most perfect baby I had ever seen. He was perfection. And I couldn’t get that out of my head, because that just doesn’t make any logical sense. I couldn’t get it out my head. I looked at him and all his physical imperfections, but he was the image of perfection to me. That’s when it hit me; that is how Jesus sees us. We are spiritually lifeless, double cleft palleted, stillborns and yet through Christ we are redeemed and perfect. It was such a gift to see his physical flaws but to only register the purest and most perfect love looking at him. It was amazing guys. Your son was so beautiful.”

Read the whole birth story HERE.

I visited them recently and didn’t know what else to do besides just pray and listen and love them. And cry. I did a lot of crying. But when there’s heartache, you share in that. And that’s what life has been like lately.

Still moving. But when it stops, sometimes it gets heavy.

And sometimes you have to let that feeling flesh out and cry.

It’s OK. Because no matter what - God is still good.

That’s what I’m holding on to here.

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