Last week I had this crazy revelation … my time at RELEVANT Magazine (a really pivotal and emotional rollercoaster but significant season in my life) was five years ago.


That’s so crazy to think. That for such a brief time in my life, I picked up and moved across the country for what I called my “dream job” to be thrown in a crazy whirlwind of a job and then ripped away from it a year later.

All that and I still wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because it’s a part of who I am. A part of my story. 

But then I found this journal entry I wrote right before that season ever started. Purging was the final act of obedience I needed to do to really trust God with this next right step. 

Just wow. Reflecting on this is so good. 

PLEASE NOTE: I couldn’t find the exact recording of Derek Webb’s song that I reference in the post. But I did find “Wedding Dress” which is soooo good in its own right. So I included that instead.

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Saturday, 10 January 2009

i’m starting to purge everything.

i want to throw out everything of me that represents the past
represents who i was years ago
things that i’ve held on to

i want to let all that go

literally start fresh

i want to throw out everything that doesn’t satisfy me to the full
to throw out what represents who i was years ago
things i’ve held on to for no reason

i want to shred things that don’t matter anymore

with all the things changing, with the letting go to move forward
i feel like Lot
i feel like the Lord has told me to leave everything behind and not look back
to go to a new land
leave what is good for something that is even better

there’s a song that derek webb sang that is on my RELEVANT playlist
he had sung it acoustic and said words like
“sell your stock, sell your SUV
and i remember thinking in the past - “there’s no way i could do that!
that’s all i have!”
and here i am, standing a year later with a whole new paradigm
thinking about what i would take with me
not much
last spring when i thought about moving i was trying to strategize how to transport my entire apartment down to florida
now all i need are just a few belongings

i started fresh five years ago, i can start fresh again


I’ve been so out of it lately. I guess that’s what happens when you travel.

Anyways, saw this artist on Nylon and checked out her stuff. She is awesome. It kind of has that raw, dance, badass, slick pop sound. Mixed in with some real life experience lyrics that document the process of going through a breakup. And well, if Adele’s “21” can attest to what heartbreak does to music … you’re in for a treat with this Swedish song bird.

Seriously. Take the new EP “Truth Serum” for a spin. You’ll love it.

5 Things Today

I am such a slacker but really there’s no excuse.  I should have gotten this done so much sooner, but whatever.  End of the week update!

Here are 5+ things going on with me and/or the world at large:

1  HOW HIMYM SHOULD HAVE ENDED - So if you haven’t heard yet, the world is revolting against the end of How I Met Your Mother.  I may be over exaggerating. But I’m still kind of reeling from the way they wrapped up one of my all-time favorite shows. 

It’s so crazy how much I cried within just minutes of the finale. I can’t go into detail because I hate spoilers*, but the show could’ve been SO GREAT and they could’ve just made things amazing for all the viewership. But they threw in a couple twists and honestly speaking, it made me hate the ending.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. An angry fan created a 3-minute video from the show’s footage and cut it in a way of how it should have ended. I can’t post it here because it’s been pulled from Youtube, but still. I’m going to choose that ending always. The actual finale is stupid.

(I mean, I get it.  Story twists and stuff. Etc. Whatever. Ugh.)

(DISCLAIMER: I love love love the series. Don’t let this deter you from watching the show if you haven’t yet)

*both the TV kind and the ones you put on cars. Gross.

2  I’VE BEEN BINGING ON THE WALKING DEAD - Another finale that has got my brain in a complete tizzy is The Walking Dead. I’ve been seriously fascinated by this show and all its character development and such.  

But Terminus?! WTF. Seriously, if it is what I think it is, that’s just crazy. 

Anyways, I decided to start it from the beginning on Netflix and I just flew through it. SO GOOD. 

3  TV LESS TUESDAY FAIL / HALF ASS LENT - So earlier this year I mentioned how I’d try out TV Less Tuesdays with TJ Mousetis (owner of Walk In Love). Dude, I did not know how HARD that would be.  

And then I started Lent and gave up a few things and have seriously noticed that’s just as equally SUPER HARD too. In all honestly, it’s not because I want to do these things it’s because I keep forgetting. Like I just forget that I made a commitment. And then on the flip side, I’m not replacing it with the good things that I had planned. 

Taking the time to detox crap out of my life shouldn’t be done halfway. And that’s where I’ve been. Half-assing it when I should be seriously spending more time with God and more time putting good things into my life.


It’ll get better. Still growing. Still learning here.

4  MORE PODCASTS - Well, in efforts to not listen to secular music during lent I’ve resorted to listening to more podcasts. I love worship music, folks, but I can only handle so much. I hope that’s not a bad thing. 

Anyways. i’ve been listening to a few new podcasts:  Improv 4 Humans, select things that featured Rachel Cruze (Dave Ramsey’s daughter - she’s awesome), and a few other random things that have to deal with business development.  

I miss the Kidd Kraddick Show.  

If you have any suggestions on good podcasts to listen to, please let me know!

5  CURRENTLY IN PDX - Lastly, I’m in Portland! Which is probably the big reason I’m able to sit down and write this post. There’s something about getting out of town to clear your head. That’s what this is about. Well, at least part of it. 

I’m spending the weekend here with one of my friends. We’re going to hit up all the things that PDX has to offer and just catch up on life. And do some tax-free shopping! I’m excited.

If you have any suggestions of what to do/where to go while here, please let me know!!

5 Things Thursday

Sorry I’ve been such a slacker. Last week was such a busy week that by the time Tuesday rolled around, I completely crashed. But I’m back. A little bit more refreshed.

OK here we go. Five things.

1  HOLLYWOOD EVERYDAY - My sister came to visit last week and we found ourselves in Hollywood pretty much every day that she was here. Which is odd because I don’t normally go to Hollywood outside of just Sundays for church.

But we went to Paleyfest twice and hiked up to the Hollywood sign. We fit in a day at Disneyland too. And UCB. And a visit at Warner Bros. Burgers at Plan Check. Blockheads. You know, all the essentials. 

SPEAKING OF DISNEYLAND - I bought two more fun props for the photo booth: the classic Mickey Ears and the glittery Minnie Ears. These are going to be great for future events (or for sister pics). 

MY FAVORITE THING WE DID THIS WEEK WAS UCB’S ASSSSCAT SHOW - There are so many things to do in LA and most of them are quite costly. The crazy part is that out of everything we did, my favorite thing was an improv show at UCB. They are SO FUNNY!

The show we went to had some girl from MTV’s Girl Code (which I’ve only seen once) and Zach Woods from The Office (he is hilarious) and a bunch of other people that were hysterical. Anytime anyone visits me, know that UCB will always be on the itinerary!

ST PATTY’S DAY EARTHQUAKE - We had an earthquake on Monday morning! It was a 4.4 earthquake that shook pretty much every one awake. Even though I was in alert mode (I shot out of bed to check on everyone … they were OK), the best is this news anchor’s reaction:

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING - Everyone is celebrating it in style (which is awesome) but it’s a little bit like “oh OK, we’ve had spring/summer here for awhile now … so it’s more like Thursday than it is the first day of spring.”

Cheers to the rest of you! For having warm weather again. Hooray!

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